Friday, December 7, 2007

Saving the Magazines, the Mob Way

A couple of weeks ago, people like Warren Ellis, Cory Doctorow, Paolo Bacigalupi (good name, wrong advice, see below), Lou Anders, Jason Stoddard, Adam Rakunas, and more were discussing how to save the SF (short story) magazines (or not).

Problem is, their ideas are not quite radical enough.

At WFC in Saratoga Springs I had a very enlightening conversation with an estimable man -- let's call him 'Al Golden' -- about this very subject. We worked out the solution:

  1. An SF magazine should be run by the mafia: this not only provides excellent coverage in North America, South Italy, Japan, Russia, and China; it also means a backer with deep pockets;
  2. Subscription policy: "Subscribe, or your spouse (or kids) get it";
  3. Subscription policy, continued: "and be happy that we've only raised our rates by 10% this year."
  4. Submission policy: not all those whimpy cents rates: $100 dollar per word on pre-acceptance;
  5. Submission policy, continued: we don't reject stories, but shoot unsuccessful authors(*)
More as the capo de capi thinks of it.

(*) = while 4 might lead to a slushpile the size of Mount Vesuvius, 5 should ascertain that this is only a one-time occurrance. Although an informant who prefers to remain incognito remarked that 'there are not enough bullets'.


Mafioso SF: an offer you can't refuse!

6 comments:

Warren Ellis said...

"Submission policy: not all those whimpy cents rates: $100 dollar per word on pre-acceptance"

Almost exactly the deal I got from Forbes.

Adam Rakunas said...

So, if you try to unsubscribe, do you wake up to find a severed horse's head in bed with you?

Jetse de Vries said...

*looks shifty to the left and right*

(in a hoarse whisper): "You notta supposeda tell that Forbes is part of the family! Shuddup a ya face!"

*walks onward as if nothing happened*

Jetse de Vries said...

>>>>So, if you try to unsubscribe, do you wake up to find a severed horse's head in bed with you?<<<<

That's so last year. Ever since we've strengthened our ties with the Yakuza, we'll drop a severed whale's tail (remnants of scientific whaling) on your bed. While you are still in it.

Vague said...

>>> we'll drop a severed whale's tail (remnants of scientific whaling) on your bed. While you are still in it.<<<

Presumably this is proving more economical than the outdated practice of sending a printed reminder slip via Royal Mail? And less easy to overlook...

Anonymous said...

alaneer said:

I'll subscribe, I'll subscribe, just get this slimy, toothy alien out of my house